(Adapted from The Interfaith Chapel Newsletter - Leisure World, Silver Spring MD)

Pastoral Search Committee Report

"We've not been able to find a suitable candidate, after following up on each one with interviews and calling their references. Finally, we had to search the Bible. The results are from our Candidate Search:"

ADAM - good man, but problem with wife and enjoys walking nude in woods;

NOAH - served pastorate 120 years with no converts, prone to unrealistic building projects;

ABRAHAM - despite reports of wife-swapping, never slept with another man's wife, but did offer his wife to another;

JOSEPH - flashy dresser; big thinker, dreamer, braggart, believes in dream-interpreting; prison record;

MOSES - modest, meek, poor communicator (stutters), short temper, acts rashly, reportedly charged with a murder;

DAVID - promising prospect until we discovered his affair with neighbor's wife;

SOLOMON - great prospect, lots of tools, but parsonage could never house all his wives;

ELIJAH - competitive; prone to depression, collapses under pressure;

ELISHA - reported to have lived with a widow at former church;

HOSEA - tender, caring, but unable to handle wife's occupation;

ISAIAH - claims he sees angels; has trouble with his language;

JONAH - teller of unbelievable fish story;

AMOS - unpolished; has hang-up about rich people; might fit best with a poor congregation;

PETER - blue collar type; short temper; crude language, aggressive; could be a loose cannon;

PAUL - excellent leader, fascinating preacher, short on tact, harsh, has been known to preach all night;

JESUS - popular, following grew to 5,000 but dwindled to 12; managed to offend most everyone;

JUDAS - solid references, grew up in religion, steady plodder, very conservative.

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