The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in newspapers:

• 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

• AMANA WASHER $100.  OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

• SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

• FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

• 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:   1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

• TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1998 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

• COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

• 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

• STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

• FREE PUPPIES:  1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

• GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

• FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

• FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

• FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

• NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED. CALL CHUBBIE

• BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

• SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

• HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

• HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

• GEORGIA PEACHES- CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

• NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

• FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

• AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

• TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

• NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

• EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS-$175.

• OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

• JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

• GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

• GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

• OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON- FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

• FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.